October is my month. I love Halloween. I love autumn. I love spooky scary that comes with a side of camp. I love Carrie, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, costumes, bats, spiders, mummies, candy, vampires, capes, The Craft, Wednesday Addams, Jack-o-Lanterns, cobwebs, dark red lipstick, and most importantly, The Monster Mash.
I’m so happy for it to be October. I’m so happy to wear my pentagram earrings and decorate cat ears and eat spooky Oreos and watch Hocus Pocus.
I don’t really remember last October, but I know it wasn’t good. November 1st is the day I turned my life around, and a decision like that doesn’t usually come from nowhere. My October was full of fear, but the real kind and not the corn-maze kind. I was sure I was headed towards certain death. That part didn’t scare me, actually, because any way of living that I thought I could possibly fall into were worse than death. I spent every minute of October, if not high or drunk out of my mind, crying and wishing my life was over.
So as I get close to November 1st, a date that means so much to me now, I feel hyper aware of how much fun I’m having with it being October. Going to The Grove with my mom and seeing the petting zoo, looking at the cute little scary story books, listening to them play I Put a Spell On You as we peruse the Rocky Horror make-up at MAC. This is when I come to life, this is when I’m happiest. This is when I feel most at peace with the world. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t intellectually or emotionally there to enjoy October last year. It’s like missing a kid’s birthday - There will be others, but I still will always wish I could have been there.
The good news is that I can always be here. I can always do the Time Warp in DIY “blood”-stained tights. There are a lot of amazing, huge, life-altering changes I’ve seen in my life this past year. The relationships I have with my self, my friends, my place on this planet are so much deeper and more beautiful. But it’s also nice to celebrate the little changes. I have October back. That makes me really happy.